On a dark and stormy May 23rd.

Dear 29,

Writing about yourself is hard.

What? I write a blog completely about myself. This should be easy. The problem is, I write about the awesome parts of life: holding snakes outside the Iowa State Fair, the time I was in a band (aka played a tambourine in a riot of rhythm) or that post I keep trying to pen about Fifty Shades of Grey. Rarely does one have to write about accomplishments, jobs, board participation, and other things people aren't (normally) anxious to brag about.

How much is too much to say? Am I basically turning my resume into a short story rather than a list? Wouldn’t my bio be better in haiku form?

Laura Palmer is

Lover of art and good puns

And dancing a lot

(Not great. Needs work. Maybe a limerick.)

There once was a girl from Muskie.

Who at times felt a little bit huskie.

She dances while she cooks.

She pitches sales hooks.

And she liked when the night got all dusky.

(Terrible really. But in a funny terrible way.)

I have been asked for a “short bio” for three different purposes in the last month (no. It’s not because I’m cool, clearly, but because I got a new job, and a new board position and because Market Day is awesome.) I’m finally getting pushed to complete it, so I just started writing. I’m fairly certain the new gig doesn’t want to publish this exact version, but I do, obviously.

After 7 years at Drake, LP (age 29, Gemini, extra freckles) joined the new JOB on July 2^nd with over ten years of fundraising experience. As a college sophomore at the University of Iowa, LP started working at the student telefund (primarily for the $9.40/hour and because Becca Aull was a supervisor and gave her the job because of the Muscatine connection). Years later she would graduate with an Art Major and decide to look for a job in fundraising, because that makes sense. LP’s greatest college accomplishment, aside from completing a one credit course called “Jogging," was being named 2005’s Tour Guide of the Year. (She has not gotten much cooler than that.)

Hired at Drake by someone nicknamed “the Rip” in 2005, LP began her career with a garden level office, an affinity for sweater vests and little appreciation for a work/life balance. It was there she became responsible for over 250 college kids. Luckily she dropped the sweater vests, but the work ethic stuck. Many evenings were spent building spreadsheets, analyzing stats and listening to students get hung up on. She also spent a lot of money on popcorn and late night Lambic.

After being offered a new position at Drake in 2008, LP memorized the map of Southern California. It was there she met Pelican Hill Resort, gasped each time she drove that curve on the 101 where you suddenly see the Pacific and discovered just how expensive hotel lobby bourbon can be. She fell in love with GPS and found out just how much fun selling something you believe in can be. Along the way she learned to be patient and to use the camera on her blackberry. She also raised some money, like she was supposed to.

An active volunteer at the Des Moines Art Center, LP served as Art Noir Board President from 2009 to 2011. Once an article stated the Art Center was LP’s first friend in Des Moines. This might have been true at some point in her 7 year Des Moines history, but that’s probably how she got so great at giving a truly subjective tour of Des Moines’ greatest asset. She is a member of the Young Professionals Connection, a secret society and has newly been named to the Des Moines Arts Festival Board (yep. she's psyched). Once she planned a conference where a nametag guy called her out in front of a room full of people. That is one of the least embarrassing things that has happened to her since turing 25. LP is part of the team that puts on Des Moines’ only monthly, handmade, local market: Market Day, where she occasionally sells postcards, hands out free suckers and has many nicknames including "director of making friends."

She is a delinquent blogger who values lists, genuine people and a damn great pun. While LP’s jokes aren’t funny, she continues to find herself hilarious. A lover of Rothko, Sam Cooke and the US Postal Service, Palmer loves adventures, especially those with a great soundtrack and a postcard to send home.

Press release in the making I'd say. Look for it in a blog that makes fun of people somewhere on the interwebs. I’m accepting suggestions. And please submit your haiku bio. Go.

xo-LP