Tuesday, February 19, 2013

A redo of August: Tramps.

Dear 29,
Again, an unfinished thought for us all to ponder. I've learned from this re-reading-of-posts-that-never-officially-hit-the-blog that the majority of posts that don't get published have a title I think is super funny, one or two photos I think are super funny and then I can't seem to write content that makes it funny to anyone other than me or someone featured in the photo. Exhibit B.
(August 15, 2012)
Dear 29,
Tramps is short for trampoline.
thanks for the photo liz.
The arches of your feet will hurt for a full three days afterwards. And Firework is an awesome tramp dance song. (Again, tramp is short for trampoline)
August is awesome
February 2013 commentary: This photo was taken at skyzone after it was too rainy and cold to float down a river in a tube. It was probably too shallow too. I love tubing, of course. This had to have been the one day it rained in August since we were in the midst of a drought. I wore a strange outfit because I wasn't quite sure what you are supposed to wear to a room full of trampolines. There aren't any pinterest boards dedicated to trampoline fashion. We played dodgeball with children under 10. We accidentally knocked over children under 10. I found it incredibly difficult to climb out of a foam pit after launching yourself into it from a set of tramps. I probably looked like a left handed cat trying to escape a bag of sugar coated donut holes. Not pretty. I will say that I recommend you drop $10 and bounce around this place for an hour (be careful though, I hear it's a pretty easy place to bust an ankle, but then again, sidewalks around Sherman Hill in the winter are pretty risky too.)
That's me dunking. And wearing my sweatshirt as a cape. In related news: Happy Bday MJ.
Potential blog topics that could have helped finish this post: What do you wear into a room full of trampolines? Why didn't I start a pinterest board dedicated to tramp attire? (hilarious) What are real trampoline athletes called? How annoyed were the children who had their time at skyzone interrupted by 20 and 30 somethings bouncing around? When can we go back to skyzone? Had we actually gone tubing down a shallow river, how do you protect yourself from a) snagging your swimwear on the countless river rocks that will be really near the water surface (because of the drought, duh) and b) from being uncomfortable seated in a tube, blasted by sunlight? 
But a better question: Where do I find a picture of a left handed cat trying to escape a bag of sugar coated donut holes?

I'll say it again, this post was clearly hilarious to me, but not to the masses. Because I want to appeal to the mass audience (of 7) who still read my occasional blog posts that have become increasingly unfunny over the years, I've included this super embarrassing photo of myself falling off a floor tramp and onto a wall tramp. You're welcome. Now that I've successfully/regrettably shared that, I think I'll tackle the draft-post about 50 Shades of Grey. Look forward to that one. There's a High School Musical reference.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

A master of the unfinished thought.

Dear 29,
I write a lot of drafts of blog posts. A lot. Lots. Seriously. After a blog hiatus, I spent a little time cleaning out the post-stash. There's a lot of unfinished business around here. Some posts failed because, well honestly, there wasn't a whole lot more to say, but today I'm exposing my unfinished thoughts. Putting them out there for us to laugh about together. So here we go.
"Just look how outdoorsy I've become."
(Fall-time, 2012)
Dear 29,
That's really it. A furry hat, Bass Pro Shop and fishing accessories.
February 2013 commentary: That's all. Clearly I wanted to post silly photos of myself that I found completely hilarious. What's funnier than a freckled face framed in fur? I KNOW, a picture of a giant fish body pillow held up like it was just caught in a lake/stream/fish-filled-body-of-water. What can you really say about a Bass Pro Shop photoshoot that hasn't been said in that first line? I have been to Bass Pro Shop at least 4 times in the last eight months, but still haven't bowled, which saddens me, but I have learned a lot about the outdoors. HBF actually shops there, I spend time looking at the feathers they use to make flies, other shoppers, camo-fashions, and studying the fish. Once I sat in a camo-recliner. 
This is a real catfish. I caught it. It's not as big as the body pillow. It's actually as big as my foot.
Potential blog topics that could have helped finish this post: Who buys a camo-recliner? Who sleeps with a catfish body pillow? How many freckles are on my face? Was I the only person wearing silk at Bass Pro that night? Do I always open my eyes that wide when I'm mocking myself?
In case you wanted to see another shot from that night. Yes. I did pose with a backdrop that was meant for children.
Now that I'm re-reading this, I realize this post couldn't really be improved upon, but instead of throwing in the towel, I'm putting my beige-heeled-feet-in-Bass-Pro out there for us all to see. Just a few months until thirty now, (in this case "few" is less than four months) and this list in year 29 is less than finished, much like most of my posts have been lately. As a master of the unfinished thought, I have a lot of work to do to cap off a year full of genius plans with a little execution. The post-stash of drafts ends today. Look for old ideas to resurface before 3-0 strikes.

I better go get a few pushups in if this pull-up is going to happen. 

Thursday, February 14, 2013


Dear 29,
I love a good valentine. Puns + Love notes + awholelottahearts. Sigh.
Happy Valentine's Day.