Girl Talk all to myself.

Dear 29,
It wasn't exactly all to myself. But it sure felt like it. Too bad I didn't put "see Girl Talk with approximately 180 other people" on the list. Would have checked that off.

On Monday I saw Girl Talk at the historic Surf Ballroom.

A friend of a friend of a friend (maybe of a friend of a friend) extended an invite to a concert won through a contest or something. There were very few details shared about how this happened, but it did. And poof. We're in Clear Lake on a Monday (despite a packed Tuesday ahead of us all) dancing in the confetti at what Greg Gillis himself called his "most intimate show since 2004."

It was pretty amazing. As you can see from the photos both above and below, I had a super time. And held handfuls of confetti. And stood close enough to the Girl Talk that I could have reached out and pinched his cheek or, something less weird like high five him.

This post is primarily to make me feel really cool. Girl Talk.
xo-LP

Shamelessly self promoting.

Dear 29,
I finally stocked the Etsy site. So here's the shameless plug: POSTCARDS.

Look at that. A note that perfectly describes how you feel about your lovebug (it's annoying how much you are sweet on them? This is the postcard for you) and a cake themed note sending great day wishes.

I can't believe it either, but with September just about ten days away, it's nearly fall. And wouldn't you know it, I have a pun for that.
Stop by and check it out: http://ljpalmer.etsy.com
xo-LP

On a dark and stormy May 23rd.

Dear 29,

Writing about yourself is hard.

What? I write a blog completely about myself. This should be easy. The problem is, I write about the awesome parts of life: holding snakes outside the Iowa State Fair, the time I was in a band (aka played a tambourine in a riot of rhythm) or that post I keep trying to pen about Fifty Shades of Grey. Rarely does one have to write about accomplishments, jobs, board participation, and other things people aren't (normally) anxious to brag about.

How much is too much to say? Am I basically turning my resume into a short story rather than a list? Wouldn’t my bio be better in haiku form?

Laura Palmer is

Lover of art and good puns

And dancing a lot

(Not great. Needs work. Maybe a limerick.)

There once was a girl from Muskie.

Who at times felt a little bit huskie.

She dances while she cooks.

She pitches sales hooks.

And she liked when the night got all dusky.

(Terrible really. But in a funny terrible way.)

I have been asked for a “short bio” for three different purposes in the last month (no. It’s not because I’m cool, clearly, but because I got a new job, and a new board position and because Market Day is awesome.) I’m finally getting pushed to complete it, so I just started writing. I’m fairly certain the new gig doesn’t want to publish this exact version, but I do, obviously.

After 7 years at Drake, LP (age 29, Gemini, extra freckles) joined the new JOB on July 2^nd with over ten years of fundraising experience. As a college sophomore at the University of Iowa, LP started working at the student telefund (primarily for the $9.40/hour and because Becca Aull was a supervisor and gave her the job because of the Muscatine connection). Years later she would graduate with an Art Major and decide to look for a job in fundraising, because that makes sense. LP’s greatest college accomplishment, aside from completing a one credit course called “Jogging," was being named 2005’s Tour Guide of the Year. (She has not gotten much cooler than that.)

Hired at Drake by someone nicknamed “the Rip” in 2005, LP began her career with a garden level office, an affinity for sweater vests and little appreciation for a work/life balance. It was there she became responsible for over 250 college kids. Luckily she dropped the sweater vests, but the work ethic stuck. Many evenings were spent building spreadsheets, analyzing stats and listening to students get hung up on. She also spent a lot of money on popcorn and late night Lambic.

After being offered a new position at Drake in 2008, LP memorized the map of Southern California. It was there she met Pelican Hill Resort, gasped each time she drove that curve on the 101 where you suddenly see the Pacific and discovered just how expensive hotel lobby bourbon can be. She fell in love with GPS and found out just how much fun selling something you believe in can be. Along the way she learned to be patient and to use the camera on her blackberry. She also raised some money, like she was supposed to.

An active volunteer at the Des Moines Art Center, LP served as Art Noir Board President from 2009 to 2011. Once an article stated the Art Center was LP’s first friend in Des Moines. This might have been true at some point in her 7 year Des Moines history, but that’s probably how she got so great at giving a truly subjective tour of Des Moines’ greatest asset. She is a member of the Young Professionals Connection, a secret society and has newly been named to the Des Moines Arts Festival Board (yep. she's psyched). Once she planned a conference where a nametag guy called her out in front of a room full of people. That is one of the least embarrassing things that has happened to her since turing 25. LP is part of the team that puts on Des Moines’ only monthly, handmade, local market: Market Day, where she occasionally sells postcards, hands out free suckers and has many nicknames including "director of making friends."

She is a delinquent blogger who values lists, genuine people and a damn great pun. While LP’s jokes aren’t funny, she continues to find herself hilarious. A lover of Rothko, Sam Cooke and the US Postal Service, Palmer loves adventures, especially those with a great soundtrack and a postcard to send home.

Press release in the making I'd say. Look for it in a blog that makes fun of people somewhere on the interwebs. I’m accepting suggestions. And please submit your haiku bio. Go.

xo-LP

ABC BBD.

Dear 29,

For years I hoped I was singing the right letters, yesterday it was confirmed. "ABC BBD" is correct, so go with it. Last night it should have stood for: A Big Crowd BoyzIIMen Brought Down.*

While this post could be fully devoted to Boyz becoming Men (I just can't let go. It's unnatural), I thought I'd take a chance to reflect on the three (excessive? no) trips I made to this year's Iowa State Fair, to which nothing compares.

I've written about the fair, well, kind of a lot. And this year is no different. The fair did not disappoint, and I saw a couple things I'd never seen in my 6+ years in a row of attendance (I think. I really don't know if that number is correct, but I've been in Des Moines 7 years, so I'd bet it's close.) Look how excited the fair made me this year? (actually that is a photo of me trying to make my hair fly around in front of a fan. I have no future as a model)

I met a rodeo queen. Did you know they have these? Well they do, as shown above. (No, it's that photo on the right with the horse.) So many bedazzled cowboy shirts. We watched as the rodeo queens, some with crowns carefully placed atop their hats, paraded around what I assume is a little practice arena. It is strange to see so many jewels and curled hair and pristine personalized chaps riding around a dirt pit filled with horse poo. Maybe that's why it is so special, because it doesn't quite make sense.

I saw cool man Sam ride a sheep, or "mutton bust." This is a real thing, mutton busting. I'll explain it to you: kids who are smaller than one of my legs are put on a sheep. They wear helmuts (the kids, not the sheep) because they are thrown off it's back within 1.6 seconds of the sheep being let out of it's pen. The event also featured a loud mouthed rodeo clown who was occasionally entertaining but mostly told secretly offensive jokes. And he wore an inflatable suit that made him look like a busty woman in a bikini.

Oh, and I held a snake. Jim, the snake guy, couldn't have been nicer. And while Jake the Snake (that's what he is called) scared the crap out of me, I did it. Snakes are very muscly.

This duo of photos is hilarious. If you aren't me. I am obviously having an awesome time on the crazy mouse. 

Water Runs Dry came out in 1995. What a deep (pun intended) song for me to be singing, all the time, as a 12 year old. Jen, I thought of you and I arguing in front of the bookshelf boombox over who got to sing Shawn Stockman's part in the song while they were working it out on stage.

Just don't be. It's not a nice quality in a person. Also don't wear that shirt. 

So I saw a mini rodeo (ok they were kids riding sheep, but still), held a snake, met a princess (someone who wears a crown and rides a horse: princess) and danced to Motown Philly. The Iowa State Fair was good to me.

xo-LP

Hey you! Check out the NEW blog space for letters to my NEW year (30). http://xo-lp.com/blog

* I'm not sure what I thought ABC BBD stood for if not that. I am accepting additional suggestions. Go.

This is not a trend. (otherwise known as a super long post about July)

Dear 29,
Today a UPS delivery man and I stood in an elevator together. He asked me, with a smirk, "you have many adventures planned for today, Miss?" Best. Question. Ever.

this really amazing photo was taken while dan deacon played at woolys.
we are both sweaty and kate is still pretty.

I know. I know. The blog is losing readers daily. But I promise July was filled with adventures. I'm talking less and less about myself (ok this is just not true. although I have taken to listening to podcasts.* I'm obsessed. And it's giving me so many bizarre topics for my daily conversations. So many topics that have nothing to do with myself.) I'm not really sure why this is relevant, but I'm sure you now think I'm smarter.

this is des moines in the morning. good looking city.

I haven't posted in nearly a month. Back at the start of August I typed out these few sentences and clicked save. It was about 6:30am (or 7:30am, I'm not sure I'm up at 6:30am) and I was preparing for day 23 (ish) of the new J.O.B. Clearly I felt inspired:
"You can always tell when I'm having too much fun. Well I guess I can always tell. It might be hard for you to know considering my blogging has slowed to a stop. It's the morning of August first. (How did we get here? Summer has been swallowed up.) I'm sitting here in my mess of an apartment, pretty sure a teeny fish bone is lodged in my stomach, and my right pinky is numb. That's new, normally it's my left. July 2012 will go down as one of the most jam packed months in Laura Palmer history."

I almost called this post "oh my july." That's how much happened. (I might change the title of this post if there is a lot of excitement building around the rhyming title.) I crossed off 3 list items and added to others. In addition to starting a new job, July held four (FOUR) roadtrips and a drunk professional poker player. So to recap, here are some highlights:

#stoopgarden's first tomatoes. since then we've suffered some real injuries as a family of plants. 

1. Waterparked with Kate, where I learned my extra long torso might make me bad at riding in a tube. You might ask, "what on Earth are you talking about?" That's a good question.
2. Karaoked Total Eclipse of the Heart with Nick in front of the entire East Village. Seriously. All of the East Village could hear us (this I learned later). Residents of the 50309's east side, I apologize for waking you up with the sweet sweet sounds of rock and roll.

3. Lindsay and I saw FIONA APPLE. (Here's a link to someone else's video of Paper Bag)

4. Spam museum, a corn cob water tower, the Surf Ballroom, and my first visit to Clear Lake, all on a roadside attraction tour with my mom.
5. Then there was Grace Potter. Oh Grace Potter rocked the most lovely river venue.
6. Heartless Bastards- The band wasn't as memorable as the Mr. Holland look-a-like who was head banging his glasses off in the front row. Dude was having the best night of his life.

7. You'll be shocked when I tell you that highlights 5-9 all happened within 5 days. (It's ok to gasp here) SDO and I daytripped to West Bend Iowa to see the surreal/incredible Grotto of the Redemption. A testament to Catholics and obsession, that's what that place felt like. It's amazing. Seriously. We also made a stop in Thor, IA. (Take it back Brad) I found out that SDO has never seen Adventures in Babysitting. (It's ok to gasp here too)

8. A short fifteen minutes after arriving back in Des Moines, I hopped in a car to head east. (If you are counting along, this will be oh my july's fourth and final road trip). I fished. I fished in the rain. I fished in pink pants. And I put a worm on a hook. Elkader, you are a special place. I will return.

9. Finally, I played BINGO and blackjack, all in the same 3 hours. 

So now that we've gone through a super long post about July, you'll understand I've been a busy blogger who has not been busy blogging. August looks to be just as packed with, as that UPS guy put it, adventures. Today is sure to be full of laundry doing. I'm pumped.
xo-LP

*Emily, this is for you, and all 4 readers who still have faith in the blog. Podcast recommendation list. So that we have things to talk about other than the cutest baby in the world and LP:
Radiolab (the one about Unraveling Bolero, amazing.)
This American Life (Be sure to listen to the one about Amusement Parks)
Freakonomics (not sure you'll like this one, but try it Emily, just try it)

5states1day.

Dear 29,
Something has come over me. I have started taking the long way. Gone is my need for speed (this is a lie. a blatant lie. I can't stop thinking about motorcycles.) I'm an adventurer now, or an adventure-ish person. Or maybe I'm just a little less uptight.

I've been 29 for 38 days. I'm sure you know this because you've kept count as well using a paper chain or something, but in case you lost track, it's been 38 days (by the time I publish this it might be 39*.) After a swanky rager (with a serious view of the city shown above), and a rainy Des Moines Arts Festival, I packed up a blanket and lakeside wedding attire and headed North.

Having never been to either Dakota, I drove a little bit, or nearly two hours, outta the way to check them out. The Honda sure makes for a less stressful ride (RIP Focus). A few things that you'll find interesting about my five-states-one-day trip:
- Ellen DeGeneres reads her book Seriously, I'm Kidding for the audiobook version. And it's only about three hours long. So that got me to South Dakota and I laughed outloud (lol-ed) at least seven times.
- Dell Rapids, SD hosts Quarry Days the last weekend in June. There are free train rides. But if you are 29 and there alone, it will seem weird for you to wait in line with the parents and small children, so you probably should get out of line and get a root beer float instead. Dell Rapids' website says it's "Where South Dakota Rocks"which is awesome.
- South Dakota is about 210 miles tall. I drove at least 186 of those miles.
- North Dakota looks a lot like South Dakota. And most of it is closed on Sunday.
- In Minnesota you can't buy booze on Sundays.
It was interesting, despite what little you learned from this list.

This lakeside wedding was just perfect (Katie and Matt: I'm so happy for you). I did take the short route home with only 7.5 hours and two states covered. Nearly 1200 miles of untraveled (or at least untraveled by me) land has now been traveled. (This sentence wasn't very good.)
And when I got home (or yesterday) I found that I'd been given a $168 souvenir. Thank you, Souix City for keeping our Iowa roads safe with traffic cameras.
xo-LP
*38 days have passed. Actually 47 days have passed. I need to finish posts when I start them instead of letting them sit in the unpublished pile. 

New Job Monday.

Dear 29,
It's New Job Monday.
I haven't had a New Job Monday since 2005. (July 25, 2005 to be exact)

I wore that polo a lot. 

I looked at jobs in Des Moines for a boy (there, I said it) and found Drake. The boy left, I stayed. I'd say it worked out pretty well for both of us.

This is me on my last new job Monday. Hot, I know.

It was raining the day this picture was taken, at least that is why I think my hair looks so frizzy (although I can't explain the haircut.) I think this day I also went into Old Main, slipped on the wet floor and fell, face first, down two stairs. I made such a racket that women came rushing out of their offices to see what was going on and they found me, in a puddle, crying but trying to cover it up by laughing, and hoping I didn't rip a hole in the one pair of dress pants I owned. (They were likely hand me down dress pants from my mother.)

Here's me in my first office. I liked layering shirts. And am apparently on Facebook midday. And receiving a singing valentine at the moment this photo is being taken. Wonder where that watch is...

I had over 228 students work for me. That's a lot of influence. Most of those kids are now at least 24, which makes me feel really old. I embarrassed myself in front of those kids so many times. And saw about 57% of them cry. (Not because of my managerial skills, but probably because of a bad grade on a test, a girlfriend or a roommate.) I spent more time in the Knapp Center than taking any actual naps. And I loved it.

I never again worked at Street Painting. And paint soaks through clothes, FYI.

The first time I ever drove in a city bigger than Des Moines was the first time I took a Drake trip as a Major Gift Officer. Not only did I drive through a hail storm on the way to Kansas City (for you strangers reading this-- all two of you-- I'm terrified of storms, so you can imagine this was fun), I flew into LAX for the first time (wearing a grey suit and pink flats, an outfit I haven't worn since that day), had to rent a car and drive to Beverly Hills. I ate for the first and last time ever at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel where my lunch guest ordered a $32 cheeseburger. Mary, who couldn't be lovelier, and I watched Boston Celtics flit in and out of the hotel as she shared stories about why she got her pilot's license. Three years later Mary would tell me I look more Californian every time she sees me. It's probably because I gave up on wearing suits, sweater vests and the adolescent boy hair cut.

I got to see so many CA sunsets. Mostly by myself. Once I had a stranger take my photo in front of one.
That only happened once. For many reasons. 

I went to California at least 9 more times. I can get from John Wayne Airport to Pelican Hill Resort without the use of my GPS and have fallen in love with Palm Springs every time I've made that drive on the 10 going east. I worked with some terrific people in the office, I met amazing people on the road who helped me understand philanthropy in a way I feel lucky to have witnessed and I survived 7 Relays weekends.

It's like the end of an era (so. dramatic.)
Today, on New Job Monday, I'll cross off #15. Today, on New Job Monday, I'll feel so grateful for my Bulldog family- I've never known Des Moines without you.
Today I start something new.
xo-LP

A perfection of thought.

Dear 29,

I think it's officially summertime. I mean, not "officially" according to the calendar (maybe it is officially according to the calendar... when I started this post, like three weeks ago, it wasn't), but according to the way my hair frizzes up and the number of freckles across my face, it's official. Since writing that post, you know the one where I called myself a bad ass, I've certainly soaked up a whole bunch of summerness (hence the exponential increase of freckles.) Wallace Stevens felt pretty great about summer nights, as did the cast of Grease. Currently so do I.

June has been a blur of awesome. (Pause for damn cute baby break. Yes I did get him that shirt. And yes I am his favorite fake aunt.) So much good has happened in this first summer month. So much good that I've referred to it as the summer of Laura. Conceited? (Maybe.) A bigtime funtime? (Absolutely.)

I'm still obsessed with the #stoopgarden. So there's that. But I don't need to write two entire posts on it... (You should expect to see another post about it soon.)

Not only did I get to see my first itty bitty tomato plant bud, but Will and I also got to watch men dance in tutus during Billy Elliott. I think I'll raise my child to be a star on Broadway. I mean the kid who played Billy was charming and talented, had comedic timing (something my Broadway bound child could teach me) and only has to perform like once a week or something. The kid learns about sharing the spotlight with two other Billy kid stars: valuable life lessons. And then my kid would be more talented than everyone else's and I'd get great seats in the Civic Center, and probably discounts on something. I suppose I run the risk of being an overbearing stage mother, but that's better than an overbearing science fair mother. For the record, I am not pregnant and until typing this post I hadn't ever considered a Broadway baby. So let's move on. (this is the second reference to a child in this post)

I'm afraid this is going to be extraordinarily long if I include all the fun parts of June, but in an effort to prove just how "bigtime funtime" year 29 has been thus far, I will continue. I bought someone else's serving platter (Erica the entomologist) and watched Gretchen haggle during a marathon morning of garage sale-ing. Word of caution: garage sale signage can lie to you. If it says "super awesome" it's probably above average. And there will likely be a box of cat statues on a card table. You'll want to buy one, resist that urge. You will also find tables of romance novels with cracked spines. When you walk by the woman hosting the garage sale, you'll blush knowing she read them all and then blush because you read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. (More on that in an upcoming post. Judge away though. I can handle it.) But do feel free to buy baby clothes for your friend who has no babies. Third child reference in this post. Many years from now Rocky will thank me and I will become his favorite fake aunt (fine Chels. We can be co-favorites.)

Unrelated photo: This is delicious.
VitaCoco you've outdone yourself.

This month I ate a cornichon, which is actually a pickle. I know, I'm surprised too. What's more surprising, I liked it. I served as a bouncer for a VIP lounge. This is actually true and I was good at it. Sort of. I saw a baseball game at noontime. There are a lot of people who go to noontime baseball games. There are enough people who go to noontime baseball games to cause traffic jams.

The man in the spongebob biker shirt thing in this photo had a daughter with him wearing the same outfit. 

I got to see the Wildcat and Jane, which was awesome. We talked about why kids play in fountains at baseball games. Fountains are not wading pools, FYI. We also went to see the Mural (you should go too if you have yet to get there. Only up until July 15th) and Wildcat pointed out that it's "surprisingly symmetrical." I come from an arty family, we basically speak in art critic jargon all the time. (that's only half true).

I rode a bike for the first time in ten years. This sounds like an exaggerated statement, but I'm pretty sure it's accurate. I did yoga in a park. I saw a man get arrested outside the stoop in the rain. I had my first Jasper sangria of the season. And I got my photo taken in a tshirt (which isn't at all like modeling).
Summer of Laura.
Oh, did I mention I got a new job?
xo-LP

#stoopgarden

Dear 29,
The stoop has served many a purpose: place to eat breakfast once, place to watch me ride a motorcycle, place to get iced, place to witness a girl hit my car with a stick, place a child will fall down a couple steps, (then place where you gasp and feel super awful), place were sparklers are put once they stop sparkling, place to tie balloons too, place to store a shovel, place where people probably sit while I'm not around, etc.

But this summer (the first full summer of stoopin) it is playing host to a bitty garden. It started small- a couple tiny plants spontaneously purchased at the Urbandale* Home Depot. I even popped for a tomato plant. I'm not sure if it was the Cleverley Farms adventure over Memorial Day weekend, or the fresh suburban air, but I felt suddenly blessed with a hopeful green thumb and a tomato plant, some soil and three tiny herb sprouts came home with me in the Honda that day.

And now, this #stoopgarden has grown (pun intended) into an obsession. I've checked out books about container gardens, I've googled herb planters, and have spent hours trying to figure out just why parsley doesn't grow as quickly, or greenly, as basil. Two metal Ikea pots just wasn't enough. I browsed the Earl May the following day, picking up pamphlets on strawberry bushes (I think they are bushes?) and read all the labels on plant foods. Then I splurged on a pre-planted herb garden that included spicy globe basil. (still don't really understand what makes this stuff special)

So the #stoopgarden grew again. I also took a liking to weekend sun-tea blends- seemed very garden-person-like. After a little more research I decided to re-pot (boom. gardener jargon*) my thriving tomato plant. Containers for the #stoopgarden aren't cheap, at least not the pretty ones. But we aren't all about the fancy here in Sherman Hill, so my on-sale-target-plastic thing did the trick and suddenly grit got real. (laugh. it's ok. that was funny.)

I'm still thinking about planting a strawberry bush/vine but better do a little more research on what the strawberries grow on before planting them. I am really trying to figure out just why the pre-potted herb garden is less green, and trying to find a way to keep thyme from standing still, but other than that- we've got a real little garden on our hands.
Don't worry. I'll keep you updated on every bloomin thing.
And yes, gardening jokes are awesome.
xo-LP

*Sometimes I go to Urbandale. At least I think that place is considered to be in Urbandale.